Archive for the TRL Category

John’s TRL Retrospective: 2002

Posted in Music, TRL with tags , , on December 10, 2008 by jnagle4

I apologize for neglecting this feature, but a ton of high profile releases came out at once.  So after many weeks of total neglect, I am returning to TRL.  Set the Wayback Machine to 2002.

10.  Missy Elliot- Work It

How do you know a song is huge?  When every girl you know tells you that they are going to get their hair did.  This was Missy’s comeback record.    She had a bunch of hits as a producer, but she had trouble repeating the solo success of “The Rain.”   The state of hip-hop was quite dour in 2002, but Missy and Timbaland proved that you could make an unconventional record and still appeal to the masses.

Song: 9

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I wonder what happened to the breakdancing girl in the pigtails.  She was in every single hip hop video from 2001-2004.

9. Simple Plan- I’d Do Anything

My first writing gig was for my high school paper.  My teacher thought I had a knack for writing reviews, so I would review anything that came into our office.  I never refused to review anything, except for Simple Plan’s debut album, No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls.  I refused to review it based upon this single.  To me, punk rock was The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Damned, and Black Flag.  I found it incredibly offensive that these idiots with a vat of dippity-doo in their hair called themselves punk rock.   I still hate this song, I still hate this band, and I hate the lead singer for being a whiny puppy.  Stupid Canadians.

Song Rating: 3

Nostalgia Rating: 8

Unfortunately, this is only Simple Plan’s first appearance.

8. No Doubt- Underneath it All

Rock Steady is such an underrated record. I would have preferred “Hella Good,” but this is still a good choice.  The thing I’ve always loved about Gwen Stefani is that she doesn’t oversing.  She never lets vocal pyrotechnics get in the way of her interpretation.  Beyonce, take note:  It’s not about breaking the sound barrier; it’s about the song,

Song: 8

Nostalgia rating: 8

Another junior prom classic.

7. Avril Lavigne- SK8er Boi

I’m going to sound like a hypocrite after the verbal thrashing I gave Simple Plan, but I don’t care.  Avril Lavigne has always been a guilty pleasure of mine.  How can you say no to a hook that huge?  It’s so infectious that you can’t ignore it, which has always been the basis of good pop music.  I never noticed how clunky the lyrics are until today.  “He was a punk, and she did ballet, what more can I say?”  You can say a lot more, but I’ll let it slide.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I slightly prefer “Complicated,” for the way she says “Dude, you wanna crash the mall?” at the beginning.

6. Craig David- What’s Your Flava?

Isn’t this song on a Nissan commercial?  For a few months in 2002, MTV decided that English people were charming, so we got Craig David, the LostProphets and BBMak.  Soon after, they pulled the plug, leaving me to forget about Craig David until now.

Song: 5

Nostalgia Factor: 3

He’s smooth though, I’ll give him that.

5. Justin Timberlake- Like I Love You

Have I mentioned how awesome the Neptunes are?  Justin Timberlake would have had a hit record regardless of his producers, but the Neptunes made him sound like an adult.  The beat is a monster, and Timberlake sounds like he has something to prove.  The only thing that don’t like about “Like I Love You” is the breakdown where Justin claims that he has been dreaming about this since he was a little boy.  It’s so preposterous that it almost derails the entire song.  Fortunately the drums kick in before it gets any worse.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I wonder if LL Cool J sued Justin for stealing his boombox.

4. Kelly Clarkson- A Moment Like This

Its amazing Kelly Clarkson survived this song.  Its sentimental tacky crap meant to play in the background of cruise commercials.  It’s quite possibly the only song in history that Carnival Cruise Line understood the meaning of.

Song: 2

Nostalgia factor: 4

I think this song is easily the worst Idol single ever.  The only one that comes close is Rueben Studdard’s “Flying Without Wings.”

3.  Good Charlotte- Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

If Good Charlotte from 2002 came to 2008, how would they react to Benji Madden dating Paris Hilton?  Would they evaporate?  By writing this song, Good Charlotte transformed into the thing they hated most.  God bless America!  Fortunately, their punk phase didn’t last very long.  They are a neo-new wave band now, which is much more attractive to rich debutantes.

Song: 4

Nostalgia Factor: 8

I love how Joel refers to Waldorf Maryland as the streets.  Thug life homie!

2.  Christina Aguilera- Dirrty

I was wondering when X-Tina and her awesome leather chaps were going to make an appearance.  I was really good friends with a girl who was a hardcore Britney Spears fan.  When Christina revealed her scandalous image for the Stripped album, we had long discussions about how Britney would never do anything so sleazy.  If only we knew…  Anyway, I always thought the Stripped album was schizophrenic.  It seemed like Christina could never decide if she wanted to be a sex object or a feminist crusader.  Of course, if she were with me right now she’d tell me that “Dirrty” has a feminist message.  I’m sorry if I missed the nuances of Ms. Aguilera’s message, but I’ve never seen Gloria Steinem wear leather chaps.

Song: 6

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I forgot Redman was in this video.  I guess that makes him a feminist too.

1.  Eminem- Lose Yourself

This song always makes me sad, because it is Eminem’s last great moment.  The thing that is so great is the slow build.  With each verse, the intensity rises to a breaking point.  He really understood how to build drama, which is lost in a lot of today’s hip-hop.   When I heard this song, I thought Eminem had unlimited potential.  Once I heard “Just Lose It,” I realized I spoke too soon.  I hope the next album proves me wrong.

Song: 10

Nostalgia Factor: 10

I wish Lil’ Wayne would start a rap war with Em, maybe that would light a fire under him.

Odds and Ends:

Nelly- Hot in Herre

There were two songs that you could count on at a Dulaney High School dance.  The first was Ludacris’ “What’s Your Fantasy.”  The second was this song, which sparked some of the most awkward freak dancing in the history of mankind.

P. Diddy- I Need a Girl

Without a David Bowie sample, P. Diddy isn’t worth a second of my time.

Fat Joe featuring Ashanti- What’s Love?

Whenever I hear “What’s Love,” I think of that Spring Break performance where Fat Joe performed shirtless.  People were making fun of him for it, and he responded by saying that nobody makes fun of LL Cool J for performing shirtless.  Last time I checked, LL didn’t have man-boobs.

Linkin Park- Somewhere I Belong

Six years later and Linkin Park is the only nu-metal band left.  I am eating my words.

So that was 2002 in TRL-land.  Join me next time when I discuss 2003, my senior year of high school.







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John’s TRL Retrospective: 2001

Posted in Music, TRL with tags , , , on November 20, 2008 by jnagle4

2001 was one of the worst years in American History.  9/11 is the Kennedy assassination of my generation; everyone can remember where they were when the planes crashed.  In the wake of such a tragedy, people turned to religion, family and friends.  According to the TRL Finale special, they also turned to TRL and Carson Daly.  With that in mind, let’s take a look at 2001.

10. Incubus- Wish You Were Here

In today’s iPod driven world, it’s rare to find a band with a passionate following.  Incubus has one of the most rabid fanbases I have ever seen.  I know several people that would probably kill if Brandon Boyd told them to.  I was never that hardcore but I have an immense amount of respect for them, simply because they are always pushing their sound to the limit.  Every record is different, and not many bands have the guts to do that.  On a personal note, Ashley Jay and I slow-danced to this song at my junior prom, so this song never fails to bring back memories.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 10

One of the best things about Incubus: They have a DJ, but they don’t overuse him.

9. Enrique Iglesias- Hero

Imagine you are a New York City firefighter.  You bravely went into the Twin Towers and saved innocent people.  You escape relatively unscathed and are proclaimed a national hero.  After all that self sacrifice and bravery, this is the song they play in your honor.  How would you feel?   If I were a fireman, I’d have punched Enrique in the face.  The only thing that saves this video is Mickey Rourke, who proves that he can look cool in any situation.

Song: 1

Nostalgia Factor: 7

I can’t decide which is funnier, the part when Enrique seductively whispers “Let me be your hero,” or the part when Jennifer Love Hewitt cries over his wounded body.  It’s a toss-up really.

8. Sum 41- In Too Deep

Why was Sum 41 popular in 2001?  My theory is that people were starving for a rock band without a DJ.  Sum 41′s punk rock snarl and ironic tributes to metal fit the bill.  “In Too Deep” has aged much better than “Fat Lip.”  It’s like a classic power pop tune with a pop-punk twist.  Ironic or not, hearing a solo with hammer-ons and two-hand tapping was a refreshing change from the nu-metal dirge that had been crammed down our throats.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 7

I think that Sum 41′s love for metal was genuine.  They seemed pretty stoked when they got to play with Rob Halford at MTV’s 20th anniversary celebration.

7. Michael Jackson- You Rock My World

One of the biggest mistakes Michael Jackson ever made was titling this record Invincible.  Personal issues aside, this record flopped because Michael hadn’t changed.   One of the reasons Dangerous didn’t work was because the videos were so extravagant that they got in the way of the song.  It’s impossible to concentrate on the music when you have Marlon Brando in the video.  The video isn’t completely to blame though, because “You Rock My World” is terrible.  People disagree with me all the time, but the only producer that understands Michael Jackson is Quincy Jones.  Quincy listened to Michael’s ideas, and then reined them in.  The result was killer pop song after killer pop song.  Unfortunately, since Dangerous, Michael has surrounded himself with yes-men.  Nobody wants to say no to the King of Pop, so we get mediocre records and ridiculous videos like “You Rock My World.”

Song: 3

Nostalgia Factor: 6

One of Marlon Brando’s last roles was in a Michael Jackson video.  That blows my mind.

6. Shakira- Wherever, Whenever

Shakira is the only worthwhile thing to come from the Latin Explosion.  Just look at those pants.  Those are some fantastic pants.  The song is mediocre and her voice is quite grating.  But man, those pants are magical.

Song: 5

Nostalgia Factor: 9

She covered “Dude Looks Like a Lady” at some MTV show.  She was wearing black leather pants for that one.  Fantastic.

5. Janet Jackson- Son of a Gun

I don’t remember “Son of a Gun” at all.  I thought they would have chosen “All For You,” which was a fantastic latter-day Janet single.  Janet can be hit or miss, and this is a big miss.  She brings no charisma to the song at all.  Missy Elliot brings a spark, but she’s not supposed to overshadow Janet.  This was a bad choice for the countdown, and the Carly Simon is unnecessary

Song: 3

Nostalgia Factor: 1

4. Backstreet Boys- Drowning

The Backstreet Boys continue their decent into middle of the road pabulum.  The difference between the early Max Martin penned Backstreet Boys hits and the later stuff is effervescence.  The early BSB ballads had hooks for days.  They were bouncy, bubbly and once you got them in your head, they weren’t going anywhere.  I have a sixth sense for hooks, and I can’t find one in “Drowning.”  It’s just a banal ballad that’s pleasant, but completely forgettable.  Backstreet had a slight disadvantage because nobody in that band was as charismatic as Justin Timberlake, but they weren’t even putting up a fight.  This is the kind of ballad that *N’Sync was recording in ’98.  This is a step backward, especially when you compare it to *N’Sync’s contribution later in the countdown.

Song: 3

Nostalgia Factor: 5

There are only four Backstreet Boys now.  That seems wrong.

3. Britney Spears- I’m a Slave 4 U

The Neptunes are the saviors of pop music in the 2000s.  “I’m a Slave 4 U” is an incredibly edgy dance track.  That’s right, I said it.  That beat oozes with sex.  I’m probably contracting something right now just from listening to it.  Before Britney got screwed up, she was really kicking ass and taking names.  Her ballads still needed some work.  I cringe whenever I hear “Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman,” but her later dance tunes are top notch examples of the genre.  What kept *N’Sync, Britney and Christina around was their willingness to expand their sound. They really made an effort to grow up, sometimes with good results, sometimes with bad.  This is a good result.

Song: 9

Nostalgia Factor: 10

So did we ever get concrete proof that Britney slept with choreographer Wade Robson?

2. O-Town- We Fit Together

This is why people hate pop music.  O-Town was put together by for television by Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and part time Svengali, Lou Pearlman.  I am convinced that Pearlman got into the boy band business to sleep with cute boys, and nobody is going to talk me out of it.  Why else would you hire a douchebag named Ashley Parker Angel?  Anyway, O-Town has the most cringeworthy lyrics in the history of boy bands, and that’s saying something.  “I got you down and I just wanna show you how to play/Goosebumps on your body guide the way.”  OK, what the fuck do the goosebumps lead to?  Seriously.  I want to know.  If anyone has the answer please e-mail me, or call me, or send smoke signals.  I don’t care how you do it, I just wanna know.  Are goosebumps the new female g-spot?  Is it something Kinsey missed?  Goddamn it, now I’m going to be thinking about this all day.  Thanks Ashley Parker Angel, you broke douchebag.

Song: 0

Nostalgia Factor: 6

There is no way Ashley Parker Angel is his real name.  No fucking way.

1. *N’Sync- Gone

*N’Sync finally figured everything out in 2001.  Justin and J.C. were no longer bucking for the alpha male spot.  This was Justin’s band and the other four were background singers. The adult contemporary ballads were replaced by Neptunes beats.  Like “I’m a Slave,” “Gone” is a sophisticated pop song.  When you add the gorgeous Herb Ritz video into the equation, it’s not hard to see why *N’Sync usurped the Backstreet Boys.  BSB were essentially making the same record they made 1998, except without hooks.  Besides, even if you hate Justin Timberlake, you can’t deny his charisma.  It’s magnetic.  There is a reason why he sells out Madison Square Garden and Joey Fatone hosts game shows.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 8

I really miss Herb Ritz.  Nobody can make a black and white music video like he could.

Odds and Ends:

Crazy Town- Butterfly

“Butterfly” was number one on the Billboard charts.  Think about that for a second.  America can be incredibly stupid.  The best thing about this video is that the one guy is wearing a D.A.R.E t-shirt.  I guess Shifty Shellshock didn’t take his friend’s advice.

Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule- I’m Real (remix)

“I’m Real” represents everything I despise about Jennifer Lopez.  She constantly repeats it over and over, that she’s Jenny From the Block, from the Bronx.  Last time I checked, being real does not involve elaborate dressing rooms or sleeping with Ben Affleck.

Alicia Keys- Fallin’

Great song, I just never need to hear it again.

As the 2000s wore on, TRL started to become more homogenous.  This is the beginning of that.  From here on out, it’s going to be all pop.  Join me next time, when I discuss 2002.



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John’s TRL Retrospective: 2000

Posted in Music, TRL with tags , , on November 17, 2008 by jnagle4

The year 2000 was the high point of the Total Request Live phenomenon.  It was the last year of the blockbuster album, with *N’Sync, Britney Spears and Eminem releasing commercial juggernauts.  TRL became an integral part of the music industry, launching new acts while promoting the old guard.

10. Baha Men- Who Let the Dogs Out?

The world is a better place now that I don’t have to hear this song every 30 seconds.  “Who Let the Dogs Out” was a staple of every single family gathering for about two years.  Imagine the chorus being chanted by seven younger cousins at top volume…for three hours.  Everytime I hear the HOO HOO HOO, a bitter chill runs down my spine.  A special place in hell is reserved for the writer of this song.

Song: 2

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I hate the song, but I can’t deny its cultural impact.

9. Destiny’s Child- Independent Women Part I

Destiny’s Child looks different in this video.  There are only three of them!  What happened to the other two?  Oh yeah, they were unceremoniously fired and replaced.  Here we have Destiny’s Child the way Matthew Knowles intended: Beyonce and two subservient backup singers!  This song is exactly like all the other Destiny’s Child songs.  Beyonce oversings while the other two perform synchronized dance moves and chime in at the right moment.  They also attempt to prove their thesis that you can be a feminist and still show off enormous amounts of cleavage.  Bravo girls, bravo!

Song: 5

Nostalgia Factor: 5

Did they even bother to make a Part II?

8. Limp Bizkit- My Generation

Forty years ago, Pete Townshend wrote a song that perfectly summed up the anxieties, the fears and the edict of his generation.  Unfortunately, this is not that song.  “My Generation” is everything that is wrong about Limp Bizkit.  Constantly breaking the fourth wall? Check.  Cursing for the sake of cursing? Check.  Lyrics detailing how Fred Durst is persecuted by society at large? Check.  I hate to be so blunt, but the song is a clusterfuck.  There is no other way to describe it.  Durst tries to rhyme “Generation X” with “Generation Strange.”  Um…OK Fred.

Song: 2

Nostalgia Factor: 9

The Bizkit man.  Total rock legends.

7. Mya- Case of the Ex

The opening notes of “Case of the Ex” have been used as an instrumental bumper so many times that I forgot they were part of a song.  Mya is the most forgettable R&B singer of the late ’90s and early 2000s.  She had a bunch of fairly major hits, but the only ones I can name are “Lady Marmalade” and “Ghetto Superstar.”    She always came off as a featured player.   It’s a shame, because I find her sweet singing style much more appealing than the overwrought bombast of Christina Aguilera or Beyonce.  Unfortunately, it’s probably what made Mya fade into the background.

Song: 5

Nostalgia Factor: 4

I forgot this song even existed.

6. 98 Degrees- Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)

I can’t believe I just typed the phrase “una noche” in parentheses.  I need a moment to ponder what I have just done.  98 Degrees were trying so hard to capitalize on the Latin music craze, and come off like a bunch of white boys in Gap gear…oh wait.   I think part of the problem is Lachey’s dancing.  Making elaborate chest gestures is no way to get through life son.  Try some footwork.

Song: 1

Nostalgia Factor: 7

Every time I hear “Give Me One More Night,” I remember a conversation my sister and I had about it.   She was 12 at the time.

Elizabeth: “Una noche?!  Are they serious?!”

I love my sister.

5. Samantha Mumba- Gotta Tell You

Wow.  Samantha Mumba.  Trying to come up with a snarky remark.  OK, I got it: Samantha Mumba….I gotta tell you that uh, um.  I got nothing.  I forgot this woman even existed.  Wasn’t she in The Time Machine or something?

Song: 4

Nostalgia Factor: 0

Is it weird that I remember Katy Rose and FeFe Dobson, but completely blocked Samantha Mumba out of my memory?

4. Eminem- The Way I Am

Marshall Mathers finally makes his way onto the list.  I was expecting them to pick “The Real Slim Shady,” but was pleasantly surprised by this choice.  I’ve always preferred Eminem’s angry side over his comedic prankster side.  In a time when MCs were more laid back, it was awesome to hear someone bring out the rage.   It’s too bad he started falling into a formula, because he has tremendous talent.  Hopefully he’ll make a comeback.  Hip-hop needs him right now.

Song: 9

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I wish Dre could still write potent beats.

3. Christina Aguilera- Come on Over

“Come on Over” is the precursor to Christina’s infamous “X-Tina” phase.  She hinted at her sexuality in “Genie in a Bottle,” but “Come on Over” is slightly more overt.  Two years later it would all come out in an explosion of panties and assless chaps.  At the time I completely bought into the idea that Britney was the virginal one and Christina was the dirty one.  Times have certainly changed.  This is a damn catchy tune though.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 9
2. Ricky Martin- She Bangs

I was going to take the high road and not make any references to Ricky Martin’s sexuality, and then I watched “She Bangs”.   Watching Ricky Martin seduce the mermaid women is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen.  Dude, just come out already.  If Clay Aiken can do it, you can do it too.  It’s not like people are going to care, since people stopped caring about you around 2001.  I just want to know who came up with the whole under water motif.  That genius inadvertently turned Ricky Martin into Esther Williams.  All he needs is a sequined bathing cap and some sparklers.

Song: 2

Nostalgia Factor: 5

I never thought I’d say this, but I have an appreciation for William Hung’s rendition.  He exposed the song for what it was, a complete joke.

Britney Spears- Lucky

Who knew that Britney’s song about the perils of fame would be so prophetic?  I think the problem was that Britney was forced keep up a facade so that she could be a rolemodel for young girls.  Christina was allowed to grow and be overtly sexy, while Britney lied about everything.  Something had to give, and when it finally did, the fall was stunning.  Lyrical themes aside, I think this was the weakest single of Oops I Did It Again.  The title track and “Stronger” are much better examples of Britney at the peak of her power.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 9

Even though it’s not my favorite Britney song, her outfit in the video was absolutely phenomenal.

Odds and Ends:

Madonna- Music

I could never decide if this video was Madonna’s apology for her ultra-pretentious Ray of Light phase, or if it was a pretentious parody of rap video culture.  Oh well, it has Ali G in it.

*N’Sync- It’s Gonna Be Me

Finally we have *N’Snyc in their element.  J.C. and Justin are still bucking for boy band supremacy, but before long, *N’Sync would be like Destiny’s Child.

Santana featuring Wyclef- Maria, Maria

Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest sellout of all time.

Backstreet Boys- Incomplete

Somebody at MTV screwed up because this song is from 2005.  It doesn’t matter though, because “Incomplete” illustrates how Backstreet eventually lost the boy band throne to *N’Sync.  *N’Sync had killer Neptune beats, and Backstreet was married to Diane Warren.  Which would you rather have?

The year 2000 was not my favorite year for mainstream music.  Hopefully things will improve.  Join me next time, when I discuss 2001.

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John’s TRL Retropsective: 1999

Posted in Music, TRL, Uncategorized with tags , , on November 15, 2008 by jnagle4

I started watching TRL in 1998, but 1999 was the year that it became a major part of my life. This is because I had three surgeries and was on my back a majority of the time. I had nothing better to do than watch MTV all day long. Now I know you are saying, “But John, you could have read books!” Have you tried reading huge hardbacks on your back? It’s not easy. This entry will probably be more nostalgic than the others.  Sue me.

10. Bush- The Chemicals Between Us

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMZjy7-AzF0

Ladies and gentlemen I humbly present Bush’s final relevant single.  My friend Steve bought this record the week it came out, expecting it to be better than Razorblade Suitcase.  A week later I asked him how it was, and he sadly told me that it kinda sucked.  The truth is that Bush was never an album band.  Gavin Rossdale knows how to write a single, but he could never translate the magic into an entire record.  “The Chemicals Between Us” is a decent song, but you can tell they were running out of steam.  Bush released one more album to general apathy before Gavin Rossdale retired to be Gwen Stefani’s husband.

Song: 7

Nostalgia Factor: 7

I don’t remember this song being on TRL, but we did discuss at the lunch table.

9. 98 Degrees- I Do (Cherish You)

Look, an advertisement for Men’s Wearhouse!  Behold, the War and Peace of boyband videos.  Doritos girl Ali Landry is sleeping with every member of 98 Degrees, even the one with bleached blonde hair.  Each member proposes to Landry, hoping to grab a piece of her corn chip fortune.  They all are wearing rented tuxedos as they prepare for the happiest moment of their meticulously coiffed lives.  Then, as Landry faces her groom, we discover that she is actually marrying….Dustin Diamond.  Oh the hilarity!  At the time this ending was quite puzzling, but now we know why Landry went for Screech.   Have you seen that dude’s schlong?

Song: 4

Nostalgia Factor: 7

And the parade of suck continues for 98 Degrees.

8. Mariah Carey- Heartbreaker

Has anyone else noticed that Mariah Carey basically released the same song from 1995 to 2003?  There’s a kicky dance sample, pyrotechnic vocals and a cameo from a major rapper.  People bought the formula without even realizing it was a formula.  Her music may be terrible, but she certainly knows how to market herself.  “Heartbreaker” is saved by the Jay-Z cameo.  He was untouchable in the late ’90s, and the Scarface tub is a nice touch, even if Nas did it first.

Song: 6

Nostalgia Factor: 5

At least it’s not anything from the Glitter soundtrack.

7. Kid Rock- Cowboy

This was a bit of a surprise.  I thought they would put “Bawitdaba” on the countdown since that was his breakthrough singles.  Of all the Nu-Metal acts that came and went during this time, Kid Rock is still plugging away, I think it’s because he was smart enough not to get too wrapped up in the scene.  While everyone else was busy growling about their parents, Rock was name-checking Hank Williams Jr.  It gave him an entirely new fanbase, and he continues to sell a lot of records.  I would have chosen “Bawitdaba,” but any of the singles from Devil Without a Cause would have worked.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 8

Speaking of his other singles, how come “I Am the Bullgod” gets no love?

6. Christina Aguilera- Genie in a Bottle

I always preferred Britney to Christina, which I will thoroughly discuss later.  Christina knows how to make killer pop singles though, and this is arguably her greatest moment.  The thing I like about this song is that she doesn’t oversing.  She hits some unbelievably high notes, but it’s not overkill.  Some of her later work is virtually unlisteneble due to her ridiculous scat singing.  In “Genie in the Bottle,” she just belts the song out.

Song: 8

Nostalgia Factor: 9

Side note: I forgot how awesome she looked in that midriff top.

5. Limp Bizkit- Rearranged

I can’t believe they chose “Rearranged” over “Nookie.”  Granted they are both equally terrible tunes, but at least “Nookie” has a hook.  “Rearranged” just has tons and tons of Fred Durst.  In case you didn’t know, the world does not understand him.  Everywhere he goes he is persecuted by the haters.  He uses an incredibly obscure metaphor for his persecution….he’s in jail!  Because we were too afraid to stand up on behalf of the Bizkit, they were put to death.  We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Song: 4

Nostalgia Factor: 9

The Bizkit man, they were awesome.

4. blink-182- All the Small Things

It sounds weird now, but for a while blink was a very underground band.  When I was in 7th grade, only the hardcore “punk” kids listen to them.  They were kind of like Operation Ivy, a band that I knew the name of but knew nothing about.  I assumed that blink was a totally hardcore punk band.  Then they were all over MTV, and I felt stupid.  The great thing about blink was that they were unafraid to grow up.  However, I think the three singles from this record encapsulate everything that is awesome about pop-punk.  It got overplayed, but “All the Small Things” holds up remarkably well.  I challenge any of today’s emo bands to come up with a hook that huge.

Song: 9

Nostalgia Factor: 9

I still laugh at the girl in the crowd with the sign that says “Travis, I’m pregnant.”  I haven’t grown up at all.

3. *N’Sync with Gloria Estefan- Music of My Heart

Yay! A completely sappy and pandering ballad written for a completely sappy and pandering film!  The problem with this song is that it makes the band seem much older than they are.  Realistically, a band of 20-year olds would not be singing adult contemporary.  The Backstreet Boys sang adult contemporary too, but they had better voices than *N’Sync, so they could pull it off.  At least adult contemporary makes sense here, since it is a duet with Gloria Estefan.  Personally, I would have preferred a cover of “Bad Boys.” *N’Sync could be the cats!

Song: 3

Nostalgia Factor: 5

This song is so sappy I think I got diabetes from it.

2. Backstreet Boys- Larger Than Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj67T29Uxjo

Backstreet Boys were the opposite of *N’Sync.  They could knock a ballad out of the park, but their upbeat tunes are very awkward.  “Larger Than Life” is basically The Spice Girls’ “Spice Up Your Life” from a guy’s point of view.  It fails on every conceivable level.  I never understood why the video was in space.  Aren’t boy bands supposed to be eye candy for girls?  Then why do they have Nick Carter as a robot?  Aren’t you supposed to like, see his abs? His hair isn’t even floppy.  I call shenanigans!

Song: 3

Nostalgia Factor: 7

How did they get up in space again?

1. Britney Spears- Baby One More Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiEUoNnh380

MTV chose Britney’s video for “Crazy” as the number one video of 1999, but I had to intervene.   The video for “Crazy” is great, but “Baby One More Time” is the most significant video of my life.  Laugh all you want, but this video is the reason I got up in the morning in 1999 I had just had major hip surgery and was in a full body cast from the waste down.  I was incredibly depressed.  One day, I turned on MTV and I saw a girl in a Catholic school uniform dancing around.  I’ll never forget what I said,

“Who is that? She’s gorgeous!”

Thus began the biggest crush on a celebrity that I have ever had.  When I went back to the hospital for a month of rehab, she was plastered all over my room.  When I had to go to a special school for rehab, the thought of seeing her in concert kept me going.  When saw her in concert, I was given an autographed picture.  No matter what happens, I will always have a special place in my heart for Britney.  I may have destroyed any bit of heavy metal credibility I had with this post, but I don’t care.  She helped me get through the roughest part of my life, and I will be forever grateful.

Song: 10

Nostalgia Factor: 10

Odds and Ends:

TLC- No Scrubs

I think the most interesting thing about TLC is that each record featured a different member as the lead.  Ooh! On The TLC Tip had a lot of Left-Eye.  CrazySexyCool was T-Boz’ record.  Chilli’s moment was Fan Mail. You could not go anywhere in 1999 without hearing this song, and I hated it for a long time.  Nine years later, it holds up pretty well.

Destiny’s Child- Bills, Bills, Bills

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm8hi99h9rA

This is basically the same song as “No Scrubs,” except with Destiny’s Child there is only one star.  Let me give you a hint, it’s the one in the middle.

Ricky Martin- Livin’ La Vida Loca

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmwzEhwScug

Remind me, why did people think Ricky Martin was good?

Well, that was 1999.  A year of angry white men, boy bands, and an ill-advised salsa trend.  Join me tomorrow, when we discuss the new millennium.







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