VH1 Classic is Bad Medicine
My alarm went off at 8 AM. I reluctantly opened my eyes and looked out the window. It was another dismal day in Baltimore. I grabbed the remote sitting next to me and turned the television to VH1 Classic. As I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the image on the screen came into focus. John Mellencamp was high stepping through a lovely field of Indiana wheat. Cowboys were roping bulls, farmers were riding tractors. Ain’t that America? I have seen this video four days in a row. Not a promising start to the day.
“At least it’s not ‘Bad Medicine’,” I thought to myself.
As I returned from the bathroom, Jon Bon Jovi was on the screen, acting cute and frisky. I spoke too soon.
Before I had digital cable, VH1 Classic was a mythical entity in my mind. A couple times a year, Comcast would bestow a week long preview on the basic lineup. It was such a tease. They played videos all day long, with no commercial interruptions. They still played the mainstream hits of the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s, but they were balanced by more obscure choices. You’d get your “Hungry Like the Wolf,” but you’d also get “I Can’t Wait,” or “Don’t Wanna Fall In Love.”
The crowned jewel of the channel was Metal Mania, a cornucopia of leather, pointy guitars and Aqua-Net. On the first episode, they showed videos from Vain, Tangier, Pretty Boy Floyd, Dangerous Toyz and a Quiet Riot video that wasn’t a Slade cover. I devoured everything, and hoped that my parents would bite the bullet and get digital cable.
Two years passed. My dad bought a flat screen TV for the living room, so we were forced to get digital cable. VH1 Classic was included in the package and I was thrilled. The VH1 Classic we got was not the glorious entity I viewed on the preview week, but still pretty good. There were a few commercials, and the videos tended to veer towards the mainstream, but the vintage Old Grey Whistle Test episodes were rad.
We’ve had digital cable for two years, and I barely recognize VH1 Classic. They only play videos in the morning, and the playlist reads like a Greatest Hits of the ‘80s infomercial. The first week I had the channel, they played “Metal” by Gary Numan. Now they only play “Cars.” M never visits anymore, so I don’t know if New York, London, Paris or Munich still talks about pop music.
Metal Mania no longer plays obscure videos. “Cum on Feel the Noize,” “Breaking the Law,” “Fallen Angel,” and “Holy Diver” are played almost every week. An obscure video pops up once in awhile, but it’s usually something not that obscure, like Enuff Z’Nuff’s “Fly High Michelle,” or Femme Fatale’s “Falling In and Out of Love.” The dulcet tones of Steve “Sex” Summers have not graced the network for almost a year. Rock n’ roll might not set the night on fire.
There are still some good shows on VH1 Classic. That Metal Show is great, because Eddie Trunk knows his stuff and treats the genre with respect. They played the Kiss documentary, Xtreme Close-up, where Gene Simmons talks about Ace Frehley with open contempt. Jailhouse Rock appears once in a while. For all the quality music programming, they run Cocktail on an almost weekly basis. I can handle that movie at 2 a.m., but not in the middle of the day.
“Bad Medicine” finally ended. Richie Sambora showed off his guitar and Bon Jovi grinned.
“’The Final Countdown,’” I said, anticipating the next video.
Sure enough, Joey Tempest’s vacant stare came onscreen, but not the usual keyboard riff. They played “Carrie” instead.
I’m still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
