And the Lord came down from on high and said to His disciple:
“T-Pain, I hereby bequeath this vocoder to you. Use it for good, and pass it on thine brothers in the hip-hop community.”
-The Gospel According to T-Pain
The headlines in the music magazines were reminiscent of headlines in the early days of talkies:
“KANYE SINGS!”
The crown prince of hip-hop would be singing his latest album. It was another step on his quest to become Elvis, The Beatles and Michael Jackson. It is a pretty risky move, especially in the rap community. However, most of Kanye’s risks have paid off. Unfortunately, 808′s & Heartbreak is the first Kanye West album that doesn’t hit his high standards.
Kanye has had a rough year. He lost his mother, and has had numerous run-ins with the paparazzi. Tragedy usually makes for good material, and Kanye clearly intended this to be his Blood on the Tracks. To achieve a somber sound, West tosses aside the lush beats of his previous work in favor of atmospheric keyboards and a spare drum machine. He also adds a new item to his arsenal, a vocoder.
The vocoder has become an ubiquitous part of hip-hop and R&B since T-Pain made his glorious mark on music. It is disheartening to hear Kanye use a vocoder, especially since he claims to be the biggest innovator in modern music. Shouldn’t he be starting trends instead of following them? The more you listen to the album, the more you realize that the vocoder is indispensable. Kanye can’t really sing, so when he can’t quite hit the notes, the robotic voice kicks in. It covers his tracks, but just barely.
The vocoder fits in with the spare instrumentation, which is one of the most disappointing aspects of this record. Kanye has come up with some of the most innovative beats of the past decade. His work on “Through the Wire,” “Jesus Walks,” and “Flashing Lights” is unforgettable. On 808′s & Heartbreak, there are very few hooks to be found. On the opening track, “Say You Will,” a keyboard blips two notes while the drums faintly churn in the background. Even the single, “Love Lockdown,” floats along without a memorable chorus. West’s clever flow has been replaced with clunky lyrics like “When I touch your neck, I touch your soul.” West tries very hard to sound sincere, but his arrogance repeatedly crops up. He is the opposite of the old LL Cool J line, “Even when I’m bragging, I’m being sincere.” It’s hard to feel empathy for a guy that says that “He’s the reason everyone is fired up this evening.” Is he saying his fans are amazing, or that he is amazing?
There are some bright spots on the album. “Robocop” is the moment when his vision completely works. It is an intriguing mixture of synth, violins and industrial drums. Kanye sounds like himself, without sounding like he’s repeating himself. If the entire album had been in this vein, it would have been his masterpiece.
808′s & Heartbreak is the most artistically adventurous album of Kanye West’s career. Unfortunately it is heavy on artistic vision and short on songs. Instead of cleverly rapping about his broken heart, he clumsily sings about it. Kanye recently claimed that he wants to be as innovative as The Beatles, and as exciting as Elvis Presley. 808′s & Heartbreak proves that he still has a long way to go.
One of the first articles I ever wrote about music was a review of Guns n’ Roses seminal 1987 masterpiece, Appetite For Destruction. Near the end of the review I wrote, “Guns’ new album, Chinese Democracy, is supposed to come out next year, but don’t hold your breath.” That was five years ago. Dozens of release dates came and went, but Axl Rose’s magnum opus remained unheard.
I never thought this day would come. Even as I was pre-ordering the album from the Best Buy website, I still didn’t completely believe it. I thought Axl would pull the plug at the last second, and I would have to wait another thirteen years. I didn’t believe it until I opened up the package and saw the disc inside.
There is only one word that can accurately describe Chinese Democracy: Bloated. Every single aspect of this record is overblown. Guitars are stacked on top of guitars, Axl’s voice is overdubbed, and there are orchestras and keyboards everywhere. It’s a hard rock “Wall of Sound.” The sound is so huge and so overpowering that the songs get lost the excess. The album is mixed so high that every instrument blends together, making it virtually impossible to pick up riffs or melodies. There are three guitarists on this album, and they are all fighting to be heard. This is easier said than done, because they have to compete with endless keyboards, soundbites and vocals. There is too much going on.
When Guns n’ Roses came out in 1987, they were seen as the antidote to the excess of hair metal. Eventually, Guns n’ Roses succumbed to the excesses of their peers. This is the fundamental problem with Chinese Democracy. There are some good songs here, but you have to really listen to find them. There are no truly memorable riffs, so you have to rely on Axl to decipher each track. Axl Rose’s trademark wail is in tact, which is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste.
The guitars are the biggest problem with the album. The classic bluesy style of Slash and Izzy has been replaced with an oddly industrial tinge. Guitarists, Buckethead, Robin Finke and Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal contributed their talent to this record, but it’s impossible to tell who is playing what. The guitar solos are either pale imitations of Slash or misplaced shredding. The shredding felt completely wrong, because Guns n’ Roses is not a metal band.
All these elements distract the listener from otherwise decent songs. “Better” is a great mid-tempo rocker, “Sorry” is a good ballad in the vein of “Don’t Cry,” and “Scraped” sounds like it could have come from the Appetite sessions. There is nothing explicitly bad on Chinese Democracy, it’s just very mediocre. It’s very disappointing to hear such a middling record after all the hype and all the myth.
Perhaps things would be different if Axl hadn’t used the Guns n’ Roses name. When people think of Guns n’ Roses, they think of a down and dirty rock band. This is not the Guns n’ Roses you know and love. This is clearly the Axl Rose Project. His commitment to his artistic vision has to be admired. This all played out in Axl’s mind. Unfortunately, Axl’s vision rarely works. If you cut out all extraneous instrumentation and overproduction, you have a pretty good album. Instead, it’s Axl’s personal Pet Sounds, except not as good.
2001 was one of the worst years in American History. 9/11 is the Kennedy assassination of my generation; everyone can remember where they were when the planes crashed. In the wake of such a tragedy, people turned to religion, family and friends. According to the TRL Finale special, they also turned to TRL and Carson Daly. With that in mind, let’s take a look at 2001.
10. Incubus- Wish You Were Here
In today’s iPod driven world, it’s rare to find a band with a passionate following. Incubus has one of the most rabid fanbases I have ever seen. I know several people that would probably kill if Brandon Boyd told them to. I was never that hardcore but I have an immense amount of respect for them, simply because they are always pushing their sound to the limit. Every record is different, and not many bands have the guts to do that. On a personal note, Ashley Jay and I slow-danced to this song at my junior prom, so this song never fails to bring back memories.
Song: 8
Nostalgia Factor: 10
One of the best things about Incubus: They have a DJ, but they don’t overuse him.
9. Enrique Iglesias- Hero
Imagine you are a New York City firefighter. You bravely went into the Twin Towers and saved innocent people. You escape relatively unscathed and are proclaimed a national hero. After all that self sacrifice and bravery, this is the song they play in your honor. How would you feel? If I were a fireman, I’d have punched Enrique in the face. The only thing that saves this video is Mickey Rourke, who proves that he can look cool in any situation.
Song: 1
Nostalgia Factor: 7
I can’t decide which is funnier, the part when Enrique seductively whispers “Let me be your hero,” or the part when Jennifer Love Hewitt cries over his wounded body. It’s a toss-up really.
8. Sum 41- In Too Deep
Why was Sum 41 popular in 2001? My theory is that people were starving for a rock band without a DJ. Sum 41′s punk rock snarl and ironic tributes to metal fit the bill. “In Too Deep” has aged much better than “Fat Lip.” It’s like a classic power pop tune with a pop-punk twist. Ironic or not, hearing a solo with hammer-ons and two-hand tapping was a refreshing change from the nu-metal dirge that had been crammed down our throats.
Song: 8
Nostalgia Factor: 7
I think that Sum 41′s love for metal was genuine. They seemed pretty stoked when they got to play with Rob Halford at MTV’s 20th anniversary celebration.
7. Michael Jackson- You Rock My World
One of the biggest mistakes Michael Jackson ever made was titling this record Invincible. Personal issues aside, this record flopped because Michael hadn’t changed. One of the reasons Dangerous didn’t work was because the videos were so extravagant that they got in the way of the song. It’s impossible to concentrate on the music when you have Marlon Brando in the video. The video isn’t completely to blame though, because “You Rock My World” is terrible. People disagree with me all the time, but the only producer that understands Michael Jackson is Quincy Jones. Quincy listened to Michael’s ideas, and then reined them in. The result was killer pop song after killer pop song. Unfortunately, since Dangerous, Michael has surrounded himself with yes-men. Nobody wants to say no to the King of Pop, so we get mediocre records and ridiculous videos like “You Rock My World.”
Song: 3
Nostalgia Factor: 6
One of Marlon Brando’s last roles was in a Michael Jackson video. That blows my mind.
6. Shakira- Wherever, Whenever
Shakira is the only worthwhile thing to come from the Latin Explosion. Just look at those pants. Those are some fantastic pants. The song is mediocre and her voice is quite grating. But man, those pants are magical.
Song: 5
Nostalgia Factor: 9
She covered “Dude Looks Like a Lady” at some MTV show. She was wearing black leather pants for that one. Fantastic.
5. Janet Jackson- Son of a Gun
I don’t remember “Son of a Gun” at all. I thought they would have chosen “All For You,” which was a fantastic latter-day Janet single. Janet can be hit or miss, and this is a big miss. She brings no charisma to the song at all. Missy Elliot brings a spark, but she’s not supposed to overshadow Janet. This was a bad choice for the countdown, and the Carly Simon is unnecessary
Song: 3
Nostalgia Factor: 1
4. Backstreet Boys- Drowning
The Backstreet Boys continue their decent into middle of the road pabulum. The difference between the early Max Martin penned Backstreet Boys hits and the later stuff is effervescence. The early BSB ballads had hooks for days. They were bouncy, bubbly and once you got them in your head, they weren’t going anywhere. I have a sixth sense for hooks, and I can’t find one in “Drowning.” It’s just a banal ballad that’s pleasant, but completely forgettable. Backstreet had a slight disadvantage because nobody in that band was as charismatic as Justin Timberlake, but they weren’t even putting up a fight. This is the kind of ballad that *N’Sync was recording in ’98. This is a step backward, especially when you compare it to *N’Sync’s contribution later in the countdown.
Song: 3
Nostalgia Factor: 5
There are only four Backstreet Boys now. That seems wrong.
3. Britney Spears- I’m a Slave 4 U
The Neptunes are the saviors of pop music in the 2000s. “I’m a Slave 4 U” is an incredibly edgy dance track. That’s right, I said it. That beat oozes with sex. I’m probably contracting something right now just from listening to it. Before Britney got screwed up, she was really kicking ass and taking names. Her ballads still needed some work. I cringe whenever I hear “Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman,” but her later dance tunes are top notch examples of the genre. What kept *N’Sync, Britney and Christina around was their willingness to expand their sound. They really made an effort to grow up, sometimes with good results, sometimes with bad. This is a good result.
Song: 9
Nostalgia Factor: 10
So did we ever get concrete proof that Britney slept with choreographer Wade Robson?
2. O-Town- We Fit Together
This is why people hate pop music. O-Town was put together by for television by Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and part time Svengali, Lou Pearlman. I am convinced that Pearlman got into the boy band business to sleep with cute boys, and nobody is going to talk me out of it. Why else would you hire a douchebag named Ashley Parker Angel? Anyway, O-Town has the most cringeworthy lyrics in the history of boy bands, and that’s saying something. “I got you down and I just wanna show you how to play/Goosebumps on your body guide the way.” OK, what the fuck do the goosebumps lead to? Seriously. I want to know. If anyone has the answer please e-mail me, or call me, or send smoke signals. I don’t care how you do it, I just wanna know. Are goosebumps the new female g-spot? Is it something Kinsey missed? Goddamn it, now I’m going to be thinking about this all day. Thanks Ashley Parker Angel, you broke douchebag.
Song: 0
Nostalgia Factor: 6
There is no way Ashley Parker Angel is his real name. No fucking way.
1. *N’Sync- Gone
*N’Sync finally figured everything out in 2001. Justin and J.C. were no longer bucking for the alpha male spot. This was Justin’s band and the other four were background singers. The adult contemporary ballads were replaced by Neptunes beats. Like “I’m a Slave,” “Gone” is a sophisticated pop song. When you add the gorgeous Herb Ritz video into the equation, it’s not hard to see why *N’Sync usurped the Backstreet Boys. BSB were essentially making the same record they made 1998, except without hooks. Besides, even if you hate Justin Timberlake, you can’t deny his charisma. It’s magnetic. There is a reason why he sells out Madison Square Garden and Joey Fatone hosts game shows.
Song: 8
Nostalgia Factor: 8
I really miss Herb Ritz. Nobody can make a black and white music video like he could.
Odds and Ends:
Crazy Town- Butterfly
“Butterfly” was number one on the Billboard charts. Think about that for a second. America can be incredibly stupid. The best thing about this video is that the one guy is wearing a D.A.R.E t-shirt. I guess Shifty Shellshock didn’t take his friend’s advice.
Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule- I’m Real (remix)
“I’m Real” represents everything I despise about Jennifer Lopez. She constantly repeats it over and over, that she’s Jenny From the Block, from the Bronx. Last time I checked, being real does not involve elaborate dressing rooms or sleeping with Ben Affleck.
Alicia Keys- Fallin’
Great song, I just never need to hear it again.
As the 2000s wore on, TRL started to become more homogenous. This is the beginning of that. From here on out, it’s going to be all pop. Join me next time, when I discuss 2002.
Tonight I am truly blogging without a net. The “w” key on my keyboard popped off, so I am forced to copy/paste. However, because I care about my loyal fanbase, I have decided to brave this hardship. The sacrifices I make for rock journalism are staggering. Feel free to send me copious amounts of Mountain Dew as a sign of thanks.
Tonight’s blog was going to be another entry in my TRL series, but I got something more interesting in the mail today. Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves. I finally got Butch Walker’s new album in the mail. Try to contain yourself.
With every new Butch album, I face an ethical dilemma. Do I abstain from reviewing the new album because he is my favorite artist, or do I review the new album and try to remain somewhat objective? I pondered this for several hours before I realized that I would not be able to keep my big mouth shut. So, wish me luck as I attempt to be objective in my review of Sycamore Meadows.
Last November, Butch lost his house and all of his possessions to the California brushfires. Not surprisingly, Sycamore Meadows is about starting over. I thought this would be an introspective, somber record considering the subject matter. However, Sycamore Meadows isn’t somber. In fact, it’s downright hopeful. Walker has experienced tremendous loss, but he is moving on.
Butch Walker- The Weight of Her
The mood of the record is established on the opening track, “The Weight of Her.” The song is reminiscent of early Tom Petty, with lots of jangly guitars and a strong backbeat. The lyrics are about a breakup, but this time Walker isn’t letting the loss get to him. The pace slows down a bit on “Going Back/Going Home,” a twangy country number about appreciating what you have. Under normal circumstances, it would be a corny cliché, but it fits the theme of the record perfectly. The half-spoken part in the middle where he talks about his life is a nice touch.
Home is a recurring theme on Sycamore Meadows. Walker talks about every place he has lived, from Los Angeles (“a town of cocaine fiends and glitter girls”), to New York (“guys wear sweaters, even in the warmest weather”), to his beloved Atlanta. Atlanta plays a vital role in the structure of the record. Walker peppers his melodies with strains of “Dixie” and bluegrass guitars. Even when he is not overtly referencing the city, its presence is felt.
Walker’s love for Atlanta is the highpoint of the record. “ATL” is a stark piano driven ballad about how he never realized how much he loved the city until he left. When he talks about needing Atlanta, it’s not just because his family or friends live there. To Butch Walker, Atlanta represents his old life, a life without complications or responsibility. He wants to go back, but knows it can never be the same.
Sycamore Meadows is a great record, but there are a few problems. “Ponce De Leon Avenue” is a good ’70s-styled soul tune, but the arrangement is a too busy. The song is awash with horns, and they get in the way of the melody. The biggest issue is “Song For the Metalheads.” Butch comes off like the pretentious hipsters that he mocks in “Three Guys From Brooklyn,” singing about how people who enjoy metal are afraid to change. If this song is meant to be taken seriously (which I hope it isn’t), then Butch is not only a hypocrite, he will also alienate a large portion of his fanbase. Aren’t we forgetting something?
Fortunately, these are minor issues. Sycamore Meadows is another great addition to Butch Walker’s catalog. His songwriting has hit a new level of sophistication. I am left with the question I have everytime Butch releases something new: Where is he going to go from here?
The year 2000 was the high point of the Total Request Live phenomenon. It was the last year of the blockbuster album, with *N’Sync, Britney Spears and Eminem releasing commercial juggernauts. TRL became an integral part of the music industry, launching new acts while promoting the old guard.
10. Baha Men- Who Let the Dogs Out?
The world is a better place now that I don’t have to hear this song every 30 seconds. “Who Let the Dogs Out” was a staple of every single family gathering for about two years. Imagine the chorus being chanted by seven younger cousins at top volume…for three hours. Everytime I hear the HOO HOO HOO, a bitter chill runs down my spine. A special place in hell is reserved for the writer of this song.
Song: 2
Nostalgia Factor: 9
I hate the song, but I can’t deny its cultural impact.
9. Destiny’s Child- Independent Women Part I
Destiny’s Child looks different in this video. There are only three of them! What happened to the other two? Oh yeah, they were unceremoniously fired and replaced. Here we have Destiny’s Child the way Matthew Knowles intended: Beyonce and two subservient backup singers! This song is exactly like all the other Destiny’s Child songs. Beyonce oversings while the other two perform synchronized dance moves and chime in at the right moment. They also attempt to prove their thesis that you can be a feminist and still show off enormous amounts of cleavage. Bravo girls, bravo!
Song: 5
Nostalgia Factor: 5
Did they even bother to make a Part II?
8. Limp Bizkit- My Generation
Forty years ago, Pete Townshend wrote a song that perfectly summed up the anxieties, the fears and the edict of his generation. Unfortunately, this is not that song. “My Generation” is everything that is wrong about Limp Bizkit. Constantly breaking the fourth wall? Check. Cursing for the sake of cursing? Check. Lyrics detailing how Fred Durst is persecuted by society at large? Check. I hate to be so blunt, but the song is a clusterfuck. There is no other way to describe it. Durst tries to rhyme “Generation X” with “Generation Strange.” Um…OK Fred.
Song: 2
Nostalgia Factor: 9
The Bizkit man. Total rock legends.
7. Mya- Case of the Ex
The opening notes of “Case of the Ex” have been used as an instrumental bumper so many times that I forgot they were part of a song. Mya is the most forgettable R&B singer of the late ’90s and early 2000s. She had a bunch of fairly major hits, but the only ones I can name are “Lady Marmalade” and “Ghetto Superstar.” She always came off as a featured player. It’s a shame, because I find her sweet singing style much more appealing than the overwrought bombast of Christina Aguilera or Beyonce. Unfortunately, it’s probably what made Mya fade into the background.
Song: 5
Nostalgia Factor: 4
I forgot this song even existed.
6. 98 Degrees- Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)
I can’t believe I just typed the phrase “una noche” in parentheses. I need a moment to ponder what I have just done. 98 Degrees were trying so hard to capitalize on the Latin music craze, and come off like a bunch of white boys in Gap gear…oh wait. I think part of the problem is Lachey’s dancing. Making elaborate chest gestures is no way to get through life son. Try some footwork.
Song: 1
Nostalgia Factor: 7
Every time I hear “Give Me One More Night,” I remember a conversation my sister and I had about it. She was 12 at the time.
Elizabeth: “Una noche?! Are they serious?!”
I love my sister.
5. Samantha Mumba- Gotta Tell You
Wow. Samantha Mumba. Trying to come up with a snarky remark. OK, I got it: Samantha Mumba….I gotta tell you that uh, um. I got nothing. I forgot this woman even existed. Wasn’t she in The Time Machine or something?
Song: 4
Nostalgia Factor: 0
Is it weird that I remember Katy Rose and FeFe Dobson, but completely blocked Samantha Mumba out of my memory?
4. Eminem- The Way I Am
Marshall Mathers finally makes his way onto the list. I was expecting them to pick “The Real Slim Shady,” but was pleasantly surprised by this choice. I’ve always preferred Eminem’s angry side over his comedic prankster side. In a time when MCs were more laid back, it was awesome to hear someone bring out the rage. It’s too bad he started falling into a formula, because he has tremendous talent. Hopefully he’ll make a comeback. Hip-hop needs him right now.
Song: 9
Nostalgia Factor: 9
I wish Dre could still write potent beats.
3. Christina Aguilera- Come on Over
“Come on Over” is the precursor to Christina’s infamous “X-Tina” phase. She hinted at her sexuality in “Genie in a Bottle,” but “Come on Over” is slightly more overt. Two years later it would all come out in an explosion of panties and assless chaps. At the time I completely bought into the idea that Britney was the virginal one and Christina was the dirty one. Times have certainly changed. This is a damn catchy tune though.
Song: 8
Nostalgia Factor: 9 2. Ricky Martin- She Bangs
I was going to take the high road and not make any references to Ricky Martin’s sexuality, and then I watched “She Bangs”. Watching Ricky Martin seduce the mermaid women is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. Dude, just come out already. If Clay Aiken can do it, you can do it too. It’s not like people are going to care, since people stopped caring about you around 2001. I just want to know who came up with the whole under water motif. That genius inadvertently turned Ricky Martin into Esther Williams. All he needs is a sequined bathing cap and some sparklers.
Song: 2
Nostalgia Factor: 5
I never thought I’d say this, but I have an appreciation for William Hung’s rendition. He exposed the song for what it was, a complete joke.
Britney Spears- Lucky
Who knew that Britney’s song about the perils of fame would be so prophetic? I think the problem was that Britney was forced keep up a facade so that she could be a rolemodel for young girls. Christina was allowed to grow and be overtly sexy, while Britney lied about everything. Something had to give, and when it finally did, the fall was stunning. Lyrical themes aside, I think this was the weakest single of Oops I Did It Again. The title track and “Stronger” are much better examples of Britney at the peak of her power.
Song: 8
Nostalgia Factor: 9
Even though it’s not my favorite Britney song, her outfit in the video was absolutely phenomenal.
Odds and Ends:
Madonna- Music
I could never decide if this video was Madonna’s apology for her ultra-pretentious Ray of Light phase, or if it was a pretentious parody of rap video culture. Oh well, it has Ali G in it.
*N’Sync- It’s Gonna Be Me
Finally we have *N’Snyc in their element. J.C. and Justin are still bucking for boy band supremacy, but before long, *N’Sync would be like Destiny’s Child.
Santana featuring Wyclef- Maria, Maria
Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest sellout of all time.
Backstreet Boys- Incomplete
Somebody at MTV screwed up because this song is from 2005. It doesn’t matter though, because “Incomplete” illustrates how Backstreet eventually lost the boy band throne to *N’Sync. *N’Sync had killer Neptune beats, and Backstreet was married to Diane Warren. Which would you rather have?
The year 2000 was not my favorite year for mainstream music. Hopefully things will improve. Join me next time, when I discuss 2001.
